never should have walked away....now all i want is your attention...you really have no idea what youre doing

The bigger mess i see in myself. the bigger mess i become. garbage in a wedding dress. 1 step forward just to take 2 steps back. unfamiliar hands making familiar lines on my face. distasteful tastefulness in every night causing memory to be harder and harder to grasp. nothing stays the same, everything changes. its that time again, that time for change. that time for love. that time for me. my heart and my head no longer agree. im full of puzzle pieces that do not fit. blue eyes and a blue heart. walking all the wrong ways down one way streets. the reflection i see on a daily basis is a stranger, and the more i see her the less recognizable she becomes. salty eyes and a head full of confusion. Take the necessary steps needed to pull yourself out of this hole. no one can save you girl, you have to save yourself. waiting on all the wrong bars for a beautiful face and a soft hand to pull you out. looking in all the wrong dark allies for love. slow down, stop running, take some time. live. i can not find myself until i learn to love myself. "what is life without purpose, what is purpose without love" words that play over in my head along with the " i care but i worry, you are a mess, my arms are open, i want to be a part of your life" as well i want to be a part of yours. this mess is not what neither of us need. another tough night to sleep, another nightmare about myself. Is this the way you break my heart. walking on eggshells on my tippy toes. i wont hold back from you if you wont hold back from me. find a delicate place....

its not fair. what you do to me. the fact that i only saw your face for one hour and i cant get it out of my head. your voice, your touch. this is weird. ive known you for years, ive been attracted to you for years, why now. maybe the time is right. im not used to my head and heart being so twisted so soon. or this twisted at all. there are knots tied all around my heart and you have created them. im not sure where this is going, or where it is destined to go, but this one, im letting fate take it by the hand. i will wait for you, see what happens with you.

lets compare scars, ill tell you whose is worse.

the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life is when you sent me this text.... "go kill yourself, id laugh" in all honesty i think that is just the push off of the edge that i needed. I have never met a single person in my life more dead to me then you are. I hate you for making it impossible for anyone to be with me though. all i know to do is run, constantly running and never stopping. i blame it on you, you stripped every ounce of trust i will ever have for another person away and that is not fair. I wish i could spit on your grave and curse your name. you are worthless. pathetic. you will never be happy. ive never been more ok with letting go of a person in my life. im glad that i have you out of my life. you werent good for me. i was constantly told, never settle, and thats what i did with you, i settled. i had a chance to live a happier life but i let you blind me. never again. i have learned nothing from you except for how to be tough, and careful, not so much as heartless as you, but catious as you are. i honestly pray that some day some one hurts you just as bad as you have hurt me, and on that day, i will be standing on the street next to you, to do nothing else but laugh in your face you worthless piece of shit

bursting at the seams with ideas and hopes for tomorrow. But tomorrow never comes. Standing still in a rush of cars being slightly moved by the breeze. The sky reaches out and touches my face. Im a mess of non sense and confusion. catch me if you can. Heart bigger then this city will allow. Tears have run dry. Caution all who pass by, this is one serious drought. Broken but not breaking. At a stand still and constantly running. I cant be here and you will never be there. The grass is never greener on the other side. all great wounds do not heal with time. your gods and priests can not save me. Everyone travels their own streets and all of mine go one way. The ocean is not so welcoming anymore. She curses my name at each step closer that i make. The moon is the love of my life. wrapping me up in his arms. He breathes along my neck. i get chills. Back to reality now, no more dream world. blue eyes and a cold heart to match, falling but i will not grab you and take you with me this time. no strings attached. no more puppet master. I'm a real girl now. completely submerged in the funk of this town. no thank you, i do not need your hand..i am content with where i am. Ive got my heels dug into the deepest sand. Hands why open and empty. Maybe if i scream louder, they will all be able to hear me. im awake now and my eyes are opened. Did i dream you, if you answer with yes please just let me slumber.

you dont deserve to have these words written about you. nor do deserve a single one of these feelings my heart had to offer. granted you were, and always will be my first love. i have let you go, i have thrown you away into the wind, watched you float away with a simple smirk on my face. When all of this started i promised myself i would refuse to let you hurt me, and i have been successful in doing so. you can not have me anymore. Ive taken me back, all of me, ripped it from your arms and spat in your face. you do not, nor did you ever, deserve a woman as dedicated as i am. I offered all the love in the world i had to offer to a man that couldnt appreciate the smallest drop, but i will not regret it. Someone got to feel me, my love, someone got to see what i am capable of. Now i will make it my goal to make sure the world sees, male, female, young or old. i am capable of loving in all of its forms.you did not destroy me, if anything you have made me more determined, more strong, more cautious. You got pleasure out of watching me fall, watching me cry, told me to end my life, a man that is capable of saying and doing those sort of things with not a single ounce of remorse is one that is not worthy of even stepping on the same side walk in the city that i stand on. I will be victorious. I will continue to be happy and live life for me. I will continue to throw away the small pieces of you that re-accure on rare occasions, and i will come out on top of the world. The only thing i have to thank you for is reminding me who i am, why i see the world the way i do. you reminded me of the wonders my mind and heart can work together. I am stronger then you. and will forever continue to be.